I've been having some issues with my posts actually posting so sorry about that. I've tried on my computer, some different browsers, even on the app but nothing seemed to work. Hopefully things are working now.... Updates: - I got an email about showing my profile to a possible birth mom. I said yes they could show it but I never heard back so she must have picked someone else. - Not much going on with other birth moms. Future plans: - I'm currently saving money for surrogacy (with donor eggs). It's expensive but at least I know what my next step will be. - For the website I'm going to start having a schedule starting in May. I will be posting updates on Mondays and product reviews on Fridays. I'm super excited to have a plan for the site instead of just updating whenever I remember. That's it for now! If anything comes up I will update. Otherwise stay tuned starting in May for regular posts :)
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Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I had a great homestudy meeting, great camp trip and fantastic cruise. TTC Update: I decided to try again. This cycle was BFN and then I have one more cycle and I'm officially done forever. Emotionally I don't like how I feel every cycle whereas when I wasn't trying and was just focusing on adoption I was so happy. I want to be happy again. Adoption Update: I am currently talking to a possible birth mom that is due in early March. She is currently just beginning to think about possibly placing so it might now go anywhere but I'm excited to have a possible lead. The blog is going to be switching over to Wordpress. I'm not liking how blogger is feeling to me so I will be moving it. I am vlogging on YouTube a lot and I'd like to have one site with both the blog and my vlogs. One centralized website would be perfect. I have made a lot of websites in my life but I don't feel like coding one from scratch. I'd much rather just have something similar to Blogger but with more customization. I will post on here once everything is switched and good to go. Heading back home in a week. Going to do some grocery shopping and then on Monday the adoption councilor comes up for my home visit. I'm nervous and excited at the same time. I can't wait to be approved!! Once that happens I can get a baby at any time :D I thought I posted an update yesterday but apparently I didn't.... I have decided to walk away from IVF. I don't feel like it is the best choice for me financially, physically or emotionally. Instead I have started the process of adoption. I wasn't sure at first if I was going to domestic or international but I have decided to do domestic private. The wait might be long but it will be my best choice for me to get a newborn. It is also the cheapest option other than public adoption. I have an appointment at the end of May for my intake into the agency as well as the classes I need to take. I'm hoping that I will then be able to have my home study done in the fall, and fingers crossed be on a list early 2015! Everything is just falling into place so perfectly. With IVF I felt like I had so many road blocks and hurdles to conquer whereas with this it has been less than 48 hours and things are already falling into place. I will continue to TTC while pursuing adoption but it is a thousand times less stressful because I have a plan. I will need to stay here until finalized so it could be a long time but it will be worth it in the end. I will be open to any gender, any race, and some special needs so I'm hoping that that will shorten my wait. The agency said the longest wait they've had was six years but they have also had people quit before placement. I'm hoping that their criteria was strict and therefore my wait will be shorter but who knows. I'm scared that because I am single and I am young a birth mom won't pick me. On the other hand I have traveled a lot, I have a good job, good income, and good education so hopefully she will look at that instead. Also maybe my age will help me because she will think I have more energy and more fun than an older mom. I also have not mourned the chance of having a biological child because I never felt the need to have one to begin with. Anyway, I will keep you updated as I go on this brighter path to motherhood :D Sorry, I have been really bad about updating on here!! I've been so focused on the vlogs I forget to update on here too. So here is where I am right now.... TTC with KD - cycle 8, CD 15.... no clue when/if I ovulated but I did do three inseminations. The last one I'm not sure if there were any swimmers still alive but oh well. Given the ovulation unknowns I feel like this cycle was a bust. Going to just test every morning starting tomorrow because I have no clue what dpo I am. IVF - I have chosen a clinic, my family doctor sent a referral after much stress about it. Now I'm just waiting to hear from the doctor's assistant about a consultation. IVF Prep - I decided I wanted to do acupuncture with IVF because I feel like it will improve me chances of success. I contacted a naturopathic doctor who specializes in fertility that is close to my parents' house. She also does acupuncture. Since I will be at my parents' house in the summer during IVF this is convenient. I had a phone appointment with the naturopathic doctor today. She was amazing and asked great questions. I really felt that she was trying to help me. She also went through a list of supplements she thinks will help with my fertility and my issues due to endo. She explained each one in great detail. After been prescribe med after med for my endo before it was awesome to have someone actually tell me why I should take it. She is confident that I will be able to wean off my endo meds completely (I have been on them too long and risk big complications the longer I'm on them). No clue how much the supplements are going to cost me but at this point I'm willing to try anything. Some I have been taking but need a higher dose, others are new and I will do a little more research on first. Other possibly good news - Not sure if anything will become of it but I'm going to post it here lol. Not sure if I mentioned it before but someone I work with (a local) told me a few weeks ago that I need a baby (she doesn't know I'm ttc). I told her to "find me one" because locally I can adopt if a birth mother is willing to give me custody. It's a special "custom" adoption that needs the BM approval and the community's. She said that a mother (the mom of one of my students actually) just gave one away but she would find me one. Well nothing happened with it but today I asked her where my baby was to make sure she knew I was serious. She said that two other women just gave away babies. I was offered another one. She is the sister of one of my students. They had a baby in April 2013, and then this one was born Feb 2014. The mother is only 21 (my student has a different mother) so she is struggling horribly. My student is currently living with her grandmother. Adopting the baby would be awesome but they don't want it to be legal/permanent. A lot of the parents just want someone to raise their child until they are school aged and then take them back. I am not doing that. So some staff started posting on facebook that I'm looking for a baby. My TA said she would keep an eye out for any babies that are apprehended because once they are in care they can't be adopted so they will live forever in foster care. An apprehended baby would be the best because the parents would already have lost their rights but honestly I would take any as long as they were willing to complete it legally. Not sure if anything will come from it but the word is out now so something might. Legally it's messy but it's cheaper than IVF and it would mean a baby sooner. So there is a quick update about everything that's going on right now. I have so many "options" but I just want something to work out! I am officially moving onto IVF. Doing some research on my stage of endo my chances of success using my current method are slim to none. I have been talking with two clinics but I'm really hoping to get into one that I haven't heard from yet. They specialize in endo patients and I feel like they will give me the best chance at success. So I don't know what the future holds but I feel like I am off the roller coaster of trying the way I am. I will have to switch to a sperm bank again but it will be worth it to have a baby :D I have added Adsense ads to the blog. If they are annoying please let me know and I will remove them. If not, that's great because I can use every penny towards IVF :D I've mentioned it on my vlogs (I think :P) but I wanted to mention it here too. This past week and a bit I've been so happy. Like ridiculously happy! Not sure if it's hormones causing happiness... or maybe hormones not causing sadness.... but no matter what the reason I am LOVING it. I am usually a happy person but TTCing has really taken it's toll. It has made me so weepy, grumpy, snappy, etc. I feel like I'm finally becoming myself again. My students are loving it too because the happier I am the more silly I am with them It's also been really easy to keep calm with them when usually I'd be frustrated. I find myself needing to tone it down with adults though because most adults here are not happy and just think I'm crazy when I'm so happy. Only half a day of teaching left before spring break and parent-teacher interviews tomorrow afternoon. My report cards are really positive and I made a nice chart of discussion points for the meetings. All my students have more "strengths" listed than "things to work on" which is crazy because it's usually so easy to find "issues" and harder to find positive things. This time it was the opposite. One student I literally had to think for days to come up with some super minor thing just so she can have something to work on. Not a lot of parents/guardians come (last year I had about 50%) and this year I know a lot of them already so I'm not sure how many will come but either way I think it will be a relaxing and positive meeting. I just posted about the new theme being Lilo and Stitch (L&S) but yesterday I was struggling to find stuff that fit that theme. Sure I could do Hawaiian but I felt like it was a little too girly. Plus although I loved it (even more than Nemo) I wasn't set on it because it was hard to find stuff I liked. I then thought about doing just "Disney"' as my theme. The problem with that is it's hard without knowing a gender. I love Winnie the Pooh but not enough to want it as the main character. I really wanted something that I could find fabric for so my friend could make me more stuff for the nursery. While looking through fabrics it hit me. I didn't need a theme because I already had one! I already had a ton of Doctor Who (DW) stuff made, it matched my stroller and car seat perfectly, all I had left was a few things. DW is much more fitting of my personality than L&S and even Disney. Although I LOVE Disney it is just not "me". It's not what I love the most. I asked a bunch of people and all but one voted for DW. The person who wanted Disney doesn't know DW so I wasn't surprise. She is also a huge Disney fan. So anyway, I'm now 100% set on DW. There isn't a ton of DW nursery stuff out there because it's not a common them but I have almost everything made already, I just need some finishing things that I will either buy, make, or buy in solid colours. A lot of people who would be going to my baby shower don't know what it is but it doesn't matter. What matters is what I want and what I enjoy. Now onto getting pregnant.... TMI alert.... I am having what is close to EWCM. I expect I will get it by tomorrow. That means I should be ovulating tomorrow or early Thursday. The first and second shipments are going to arrive today. Since the second is "newer" I'm going to use that one today. My thinking is that inside me is a better environment for it than in the container. Tomorrow I will use the first shipment which will still be good so it has a good chance too. I'm REALLY excited for this cycle. Timing is going great; just like January. I've got my soft cups that I'm going to be using again, I've been on my supplements consistently, and I've been doing the natural cycle Circle + Bloom every night. I just feel so calm this cycle. Now if I could just get my eating under control lol. When I had switched my theme from Finding Nemo (FN) to The Lion King (TLK) I really didn't feel a strong connection. I knew I need to change it and TLK was gender neutral, a good movie, and cute. However it didn't have the bright colours I was looking for in a theme and it just didn't have the same feeling. I stuck with it as the theme though because its want I thought would be okay. Yesterday I watched Lilo and Stitch (L&S), I cried throughout the movie and when it was done I knew this was my new theme. It had the same bright colours as FN and gave a great connection between my original star/space theme and the FN theme. It had a great message about family that I really love. The only problem with L&S is that there is no crib bedding. I have seen a few toddler bedding sets but they are rare. I decided I will just make my own theme with random bedding because most of the bedding set isn't used anyway. The only parts I would be using are the crib skirt and the bed sheets. I feel like spending $150 to $200 is a waste for two items. So now I have to redo my entire baby shower and nursery... darn.... lol. I love planning so in reality this is a lot of fun :D March is Endometriosis Awareness month! Every day I will be sharing a new picture. For those that don't know I have endometriosis. It took 14 years of horrible pain and 6 doctors telling me it was "normal" and I was just being a "wimp" before they found the endometriomas (cysts caused by endometriosis) in both my ovaries. I suffer from chronic pain and chronic fatigue but it is nothing compared to the emotional pain I have had due to difficultly conceiving and from pregnancy loss. It is an invisible illness that millions of women suffer from and there is no cure. Cycle 7 (OMG that many already?!?!?!) is official a go. The first shipment was put in the mail today and the other two should be Sunday and Monday. IF they come on time they will come on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. I should ovulate on Thursday so timing will be spot on. There is a small chance (because it has happened before) that I will ovulate on Wednesday or Friday but either way as long as the shipments are on time everything should be good. Still having some trouble with the mail here so I'm really hoping everything is on time. Monday and Friday seem to be the days that it's hard to get mail so fingers crossed the shipments will come on time. I'm actually really excited for this cycle. Last cycle I was still grieving the chemical pregnancy and also stressed about ovulating on the weekend. The shipments were early, late, and MIA which definitely added to my stress since timing needed to be perfect because of the Sunday ovulation. Anyway, this cycle is looking really good. I know my left tube isn't blocked because that's the side I got pregnant on last time. Also timing should be great, my stress is pretty low, and part of my two week wait will be during spring break which means I will be relaxed. It also ends during spring break which is nice because if I'm not pregnant I won't miss work due to my period and if I am pregnant I get to celebrate by myself since I don't want people at work to know until I have to tell them and I feel like if I am pregnant I will be too happy right away to contain it. I'm not living in a magical world where I am saying "this will be the cycle" and ignoring the fact that it might not be, I'm just really excited because I feel like this cycle has a good chance of being successful. |
About Me
I am 31, single, and been on my journey to becoming a single mother since 2013. I have struggled with infertility and I am now on the path to international adoption of a little girl with Down syndrome. Come join me on my journey to becoming a mother! Categories
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